A favorite poem of mine has been on my mind allot the past couple of days it reads as follows..
My life is but a weaving
between my God and me
I let him choose the colors
he worketh steadily
ofttimes he worketh
sorrow
And I within my heart
forget he sees the pattern
while I see only part
the dark threads were as
needful
in the weavers skillful hand
as the threads of gold and
silver
in the pattern he had planned
not till the loom is silent
and shuttles cease to
fly
shall God unroll the canvas
and explain the reason why
Okay so it sounds more doom and gloom than it really is, but I like how it explains we see only part while he sees the pattern and we may not know the reason why. I have been struggling with a few things some I don't feel like announcing to my fellow bloggers but for example is my constant worry of what others think of my parenting and domestic skills. I know I am a dang good mother and I am doing the best I can to teach her the ways of the Gospel and life, but what do others see? Am I the only one who sits in church and worry about what others are thinking as they smile at me? Okay this makes me sound a tad paranoid and a little pathetic :)
I just struggle with self doubt when there is something I am wanting and when I don't receive it I react by thinking what am I doing wrong that disqualifies me to deserve this?
I am not fishing for compliments or a pat on the back rather a listening ear as I vent, I already feel better. Thank Goodness for blogging ;)
Being The time of Thanks I want to close with Thanks to my Heavenly Father who really does know the desires of my heart and knows what is best not only for me, but our little family and I need to learn a little patience in his planning!
I know you said you didn't need compliments, but you are going to get one from me. You are a wonderful Mom, Kara. Leta is a joy, even when she wants Hannah's wipes in stead of her's. I know some times I wonder what others think of my parenting, but I can only do my best.
ReplyDeleteKara you don't need to worry at all! You are a fantastic mom!! I seriously think that satan feeds us, mothers, self doubt and tries to make us feel inadequate. Don't let him in!! Think positive!! Again you're an amazing mom!
ReplyDeleteVenting is another reason I blog as well. I think you have risen above less than stellar circumstances to be a kind, funny, and outgoing person who takes her responsibilities seriously and has a level head on her shoulders. We all have weaknesses and if we are humble we learn from them. Gradually, as we keep striving for goodness, those weaknesses will have less effect on our lives. I feel judged a lot and I do not like that feeling. My solution has been to be more accepting and less judgmental myself. Good luck finding your solution.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are all so sweet. Its good to have such great friends to help when your down!
ReplyDelete