Thursday, September 5, 2013


Jayme is around truckers all day, obviously.  And being they drive all over ND and talk to so many people a day they are often full of fun things to do and see around here.   And being we like to take day trips on his Saturdays off to escape the insanity of life in a midget wide we have a taken a couple of really fun trips.  The most recent, the Enchanted Highway.  I giggled when he was trying to explain to me how you drive down the highway into Regent, ND and see these Ginormous scrap metal sculptures.  But honestly it was really fun and I would recommend it to other family's.  There was 11 altogether and some had interactive stuff to climb and play on and they weren't sectioned off so you could get right up by them and make fool of yourselves like we did :)
This one is the largest scrap metal sculpture in the world landing itself in the Guinness book of world records

Nice try Grandma!

Riding the Grasshoppers 

Getting eaten by a giant grasshopper

"I'm Flying!" Bonus points for knowing what movie where doing a sad job of recreating LOL

Feeding Leta to a fish...

Getting attacked by a baby pheasent

Probably not going to win us any parents of the year awards on this!

Worlds largest Tin family

Most where made out of scrap pipes and tanks from the oil field and the Tin family was Grain and Farm equipment, now that's recycling.  The rest of the photos are on my phone waiting for another day :)

A Pro!

Fortunately for me the Preschool sent out an email the night before the first day or we would have missed it!  I still had Thursday stuck in the head from last year, or I am really losing it more than I thought.  Luckly everything was planned I just threw it together quicker and Leta didn't miss a beat when I threw it at her in the morning :) She is in the same school and classroom as last year just a different teacher so it was a easy transition this time for both Mama and the Mini.
She was cold :)

Holding last years "first day of school" picture 

Peek into My life

So while I decide how much I want to go into on my blog about why I am in Crisis mode (see previous post) Here is a hint, an article that finally made me feel like I wasn't crazy in my thoughts and thinking.  Well I could still be crazy but at least there is other crazy's just like me ;)

Secondary Infertility – A Psychological Perspective

There is much written about the journey of infertility and the emotional roller-coaster that one goes through.  There is also a lot of literature and support available, whether it be on-line or from friends and family.  There is empathy – albeit it often misplaced and unintentionally wrongly communicated. However, there is very little written and limited support for another type of infertility – secondary infertility.
Once you have had one child the expectation is that you will have no problem conceiving in the future. However, this is not always the case, and secondary infertility is a common problem.
When one looks at infertility in general, it causes a myriad of psychological consequences such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder.  These all have an effect on our daily lives, our relationships and the way we view ourselves.  When we are faced with secondary infertility, the emotional impact is sometimes worse.  Firstly, there is very little empathy from others.  They believe we are being selfish as we already have a child and should be satisfied.  This makes us feel guilty in communicating this sense of loss with others.  So, we keep it to ourselves and the result is an acute feeling of isolation. We feel guilty for wanting a second and we feel resentment that others have more than one child but expect us to be satisfied with our only child.
The fact that we have “been there” and had a pregnancy and a child makes the experience of infertility bittersweet. We have experienced the joy, the feeling of being parents and loving unconditionally; and now we can’t have it again.  It makes each day and each experience with our child seem like it may be the last.  We long for those simple experiences again and feel like we are in a constant mourning process as each new developmental milestone is met with feelings of “this may be the last time…”  It puts pressure on us to actively enjoy each day with our child but this is difficult when going through the depression and anxiety that infertility causes.  Each day is met with thoughts of having to enjoy the time but longing for something more.
This leads to yet another consequence – guilt. We feel guilty towards our child.  We feel they may pick up that we are unsatisfied with them.  We feel guilty that we may make them feel like they are not enough. Some older children have verbalised this when they have seen the sadness associated with their mother’s longing for another child.  The other guilt is towards the child itself, and the inability to produce a sibling for the existing child.  Even when the child is young, one worries about a playmate into the future.  When the child is older and asking for a sibling, there is a constant sadness for the child.
So how do we manage it?
Understand that you are entitled to feel the way you do.  Just because you have had the joy of pregnancy and parenthood does not mean you are not entitled to experience it again.  Acknowledge that the journey of secondary infertility may be worse in some ways, and easier in others.  When you do not have children, you are able to avoid certain environments in which you feel worse such as children’s parties and school functions.  When you have a child already, it is very difficult to avoid these situations. So you are constantly faced with your ‘fertility triggers’.  Understand that those around you will not necessarily understand your loss.  It is not because they are hard, selfish individuals, but they often say the wrong thing because they are really trying to say the right thing and to make you feel better.  They haven’t been through the process.
In terms of your child, do not share too much of your journey with them.  You can let them know you have tried to have another child when they are a bit older, but try not to let them take on your sadness.  If it never happens, they will be okay.  They will have a life that will still be rich and fulfilling as only children.
Finally, secondary infertility is a topic frequently misunderstood.  There are counselors, therapists and medical specialists who are available to talk to.  Make use of them if you are battling.  Don’t be afraid to chat to a fertility doctor, and discuss the options for assisted conception. Even though they may not be able to change the outcome, you needn’t be alone on the journey.

*By all means infertility sucks, Big time!  And I can't even imagine what this would be like without Leta.  She is truly my saving grace in the dark times.  I just like how it points out the unique feelings and thoughts that I often have felt and struggle with.  I am not trying to diminish those feelings of those who have not been blessed with parenthood yet.

Hopeless blogger!

So I am going to start now like I am not hopelessly behind and if I am up to it I will throw in a random older post to humor myself :) So here it goes for the 2 or 3 that might read this...

How is my Baby 5?! It really is mind blowing.  Poor girls party was on the weak side last year and this year her parents (okay, Mom.) was in crisis mode (more on that to come...maybe) and I barely mustered up the energy to plan a party a mere 24 hrs in advance. Luckily I had all these awesome plans mulling around in my poor stressed mind for weeks so I was able to scrap together a few ideas for a party a 5 yr. old deemed acceptable, not hard though..right ;)

We went with Jake the Neverland Pirates theme..

 One of her favorite presents she was so giddy, this girl and her arts and crafts.

 The runner up on top toy a harmonica...
going through her loot talk about spoiled.

*Sorry about the lack of pictures this is honestly all I took of the whole day :( I really am falling short..

  I feel so privileged to get the chance to raise this amazing little spirit and watch her year by year turn into a beautiful daughter of God and see her little personality emerge more each year and see her grow in her love and understanding  of her Heavenly Father and strive to be just like him. She is my saving grace especially these last few weeks, I am so glad for patience with her Mama's shortcomings.  Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Movie Theater night...

Another activity to help make life exciting :)  I printed off tickets and bought goodies and we hunkered down in our homemade theater...

FiRsT DaY!

First day of Preschool!!  (We are over looking the fact that she is now almost finished with this school year :P )
Crescent roll cinnamon rolls and strawberries, Yum!

                                               Jumped right into the activities....
                                                            SOOO excited!

Silly Mom got the date wrong so we had to recreate it when she got home with the right date LOL

Her school has 3 classrooms...Yellow, Red and Blue they teach the same things just different ways according to how kids learn the easiest.  If I am thinking correctly Leta is in the textile room, either way she LOVES it and is nervous at the goodbye but I am able to slip out without tears.  And she seems to get along well with Miss Kaleena.